Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
