I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize