don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
