i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
