For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
