it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
