so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
