I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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