And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
