There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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