Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
