Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
