hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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