Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
