He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
