So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
