U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
