the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
