Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
