the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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