im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
