It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
