Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize