before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
