Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
