cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
