i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She told me I should be a condom model.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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