That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
