I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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