it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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