I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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