There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize