Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
