Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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