I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
