I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
