don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
