So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
