just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
