Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In other news, I just burned my penis
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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