I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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