I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
