how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
