When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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