When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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