it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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