dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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