Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
