Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
