Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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