Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
