Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
