I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
