Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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