I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
