Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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