Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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