Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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