I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize