Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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