I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was CRYING into my vagina
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
