I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
