you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
