No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am available for nakedness
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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