Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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