dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
