i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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