I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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