Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
