Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
