i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Randomize
