Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize