my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize