Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
