yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
