I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
