She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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