It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize