everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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