I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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