Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
