Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
worst night to have a conscience
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
