May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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