I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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