My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
