I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
