I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I cockslap morals
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
