i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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