Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
