So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
