I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
