Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
