You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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