so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
