i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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