so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
