just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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